For example, a mother and father argue because the mom wants their twelve-year-old daughter to take Saturday afternoon tennis lessons so she can learn skills, develop interests, and be with other children while the dad thinks his daughter needs to learn to entertain herself and spend time with the family.
Most people parent their children the way they were parented. This is due to a sense of loyalty to their parents, not knowing how to do things differently, or feeling good about how they were raised — that it was fairly effective and had a good result in terms of how they developed. But if parents came from homes with very different parenting styles, this can lead to conflict and misunderstandings. There are basically three different parenting styles with two being at opposite ends of a discipline pendulum arc and one being in the middle between the two extremes.
The Permissive Style is at one extreme of the continuum. This parent does not set limits, say no, discipline or hold children accountable. In this family, the children rule the roost. The Aggressive Style is on the other extreme end of the continuum. Rigid compliance from children is demanded, and children are to be seen and not heard. The Assertive Style is the middle style, between the two extremes. Parents who use this style consider the needs and feelings of both the parent and the child.
The parent is:. Here is how each of these three different types of parents might respond to the same situation: Ten-year-old Ari leaves his games, books, and clothes all over the family room even after being told numerous times to pick up after himself. I guess you were too busy to clean up. We need to come up with a plan for you to put your things away. Until we come to an agreement, there are no electronics for you. It may be loyalty to the parenting style used in your family of origin that leads you to be the consistent nurturer or an overly strict disciplinarian.
Often, you and your co-parent may not start out too far apart from one another, but as time goes on, your roles solidify. Each of you goes further and further to the extreme in order to compensate for what you each see as inadequacies in how your partner handles situations. You may not have had a role model for an effective team approach if your parents did not work together in a supportive partnership in raising you.
You may live in a family arrangement different from the one in which you grew up , and for which you have no experience and no blueprint to use to build healthy family dynamics. Some of these other family configurations can include:. Sometimes you may identify more with a child who is in the same birth order as you were in your family of origin.
For example, a first-born father may not want to burden his oldest child with too many chores and rules as he remembers feeling he had too many responsibilities on him when he was growing up, but a youngest co-parent may feel that the oldest child should babysit and spend time with the younger sibling as she may have wished her older sibling had done when she was growing up.
You may be able to relate better to children with similar temperaments, or conversely you may be more negative toward a child who has traits that you do not like in yourself. Children are experts at dividing and conquering, sensing areas of disagreement and using them to get around the rules. There are many challenges that you must overcome to create a positive and effective team approach to raising children. Being aware of and recognizing these obstacles if they exist in your home can help you to avoid them. Set aside a regular time to discuss what has been going on and to plan strategies for the upcoming week.
If one of you wants to try a new approach, ask your co-parent for support or, at a minimum, non-interference. After problems have been solved, allow time to talk about the interactions and to give suggestions, praise, support, or constructive criticism. However, these differences should be on the less important issues.
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In addition, you can go along with each other on some issues in exchange for support on others. In exchange for letting your son go as you would like, you agree to back your husband on his request that your son help with raking leaves on Sunday. Encourage your child to work out the conflict directly with his other parent; you can offer to help him clarify his thoughts and present his feelings.
While doing so, remain objective and do not take sides. However, if you are concerned that your child is being harmed physically or emotionally, intervention may be called for, either in discussions with your spouse or co-parent or with outside resources. Stay in the now and discuss one issue at a time.
If your partner attacks, blames, or is disrespectful, ask him or her to speak more respectfully. You can refuse to continue a conversation in which you are not being treated with respect. Use Active Listening. This is an important skill, probably the most important communication skill you can learn. It is a way of listening that lets the speaker know that you understand what he is saying, accept his perspective, and are not judging him. It does not mean that you necessarily agree with the person but that you are available to hear his thoughts and feelings.lastsurestart.co.uk/libraries/tracking/1884-how-to.php
Becoming a Respectful Parenting Partnership
Using Active Listening often reduces defensiveness and goes a long way toward creating a cooperative atmosphere. Use I-Messages when you want to express how you feel about the situation. It is a way to communicate your thoughts and feelings without blaming or attacking the other person.
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This skill involves remaining calm, clear, and confident. Be assertive, not aggressive. Choose with broad approaches in mind.
Weaving Parenting Partnerships into Service Delivery | Sustaining Community
Accept responsibility for your parenting choices. Accept that you and your partner may have different perspectives on some issues. You both may have valid, just different, perspectives. The goal is to come together and decide how you want to raise your children.
Focus on solutions, rather than finding someone to blame. Appreciate that there is some legitimate reason for almost every behavior. The question we need to address is how we are going to handle it.
Here is what they are saying about PIPE:
I do too. The basis of effective collaboration with parents and carers is mutual sharing of relevant knowledge and skills considered to be of benefit to the family and the child In this model each partner recognises the different skills, experiences and knowledge of each of the other partners; each partner values the skills, experiences and knowledge of the other partners; all the partners recognise the need for the input of each of the partners; each partner feels valued.
Our working relationship must be characterised by a shared sense of purpose, mutual respect and the willingness to negotiate. We share information, responsibility, skills, decision-making and accountability. Partnership involves building relationships based on trust, mutual respect, sharing of information and a willingness to learn from each other. There should therefore be a presumption that information will be shared with parents unless this is likely to put the child at risk. Trust in the family-school relationship requires confidence that each partner will act in a way to benefit or sustain the relationship, or the goals of the relationship, to achieve positive outcomes for the child.
The capacity of parents to engage successfully in this partnership is influenced by practical considerations, by their own emotional needs, the relationship between them as parents, their relationship with their child, their skills and understanding, and by their beliefs about the possibility of change. Our work with parents and carers therefore has a number of interlinked aims and we deploy a range of strategies and approaches achieve.
These are:. We will always involve parents and children in planning and reviewing progress. We make every effort to communicate clearly and regularly with parents and carers of children with SEND about, for example:.
Where can I find information about how the school works in partnership with parents and carers of children with SEND? Is there a special service in Camden that supports and advises parents about issues such as assessment and provision? We make every effort to communicate clearly and regularly with parents and carers of children with SEND about, for example: how we support their children their achievements and their well-being their participation in the full life of our school We try to communicate in plain English.
We welcome and value feedback on how well we are working with our parents.
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